


Unsettled Thoughts

by asahinayuuta



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-09
Updated: 2015-03-09
Packaged: 2018-03-17 02:53:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3512537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asahinayuuta/pseuds/asahinayuuta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You need to know the reasons you are in love with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unsettled Thoughts

I’m still alive

Your eyes settle on the unwilling movements of others around you, and it is the closest thing to assault you’ve ever witnessed, now that not one movement occurs, all eyes are on you. 

You move silently through the crinkled papers, and continue looking for what you need to give. Matsuda has asked you to make a valid speech. And although you have no confidence he will fulfill it, you made it anyway. You hand it carefully to him, and with that, you are left in the room, patiently to wait with Komaeda and Tsumiki. 

Komaeda lies in bed, asleep, and Tsumiki’s nervous eyes skim yours, careful to only meet the surface of you, for you know she wouldn’t want to sink to deep, to know too much, she is simply too scared, but you don’t mind, at this point, you are used to it, and she is Tsumiki Mikan.

Your hand lands on the desk you sit at in a muted drop. Your look through the rest of the papers you had in stacks, and although you know what they all are, you still look at them. You notice Tsumiki wishing to speak up out of the corner of your eye, and you turn just when her words start to come out in unsteady and stuttered syllables.

“I-I have someone waiting for me i-in room B39, b-but I will be b-back soon!” she explains, with a small yelp at the end that you interpret to be a ‘sorry’, but you know she has no reason to be sorry, all she is doing is her job. But you stay silent and give no more than a nod. 

A small, shaky breath comes from the bed around three minutes later. Komaeda’s arm falls off the side of the bed, in a way scenes in movies tell you that the character has died, but th his heartbeat stays at a steady pace, at least for someone like him. 

You move to pick up the fallen arm to put it back on the bed. The floor creaks as you stand, and you notice that you were too quick to react to that. You move steadily to the bed. 

His hair is in a tangled, white mass and you don’t blame him for not taking care of it, sometimes the present look of your hair reminds you that you are ill, and his case could be similar, or at least that is how you related it to one another. 

You find his hand, cold and pale, sitting in the air, due to a fallen arm. You pick it up, and his delicate skin feels soft, but also his index finger is calloused, but only in spots, where the rest of his hands are smooth, soft, and delicate. You don’t like such downgraded words used on the … ill (you hate when people say that even more) … but his seems delicate, sleeping soundly on the hospital bed. You think might be the only one that can understand - he must be used to hospitals, you think this because you are too, and it isn’t something to be helped, it is something that happened. 

Your mind caves in and gives way through your stomach and to your heart. 

A spark ignites and it stays there to burn, your chest sizzling with pain and a heavy feeling. 

You think you know what pulls and tugs at your gut - you think that it’d be odd if you didn’t know, but ultimately, you don’t, but how could you realize this. 

Komaeda’s eyes flutter open and the first thing you notice is your hand still holding his, taking in every possible moment you can. His skin starts to discomfort you, and the burning runs to your fingertips, as if it running through your veins in rapid amounts. 

The edges of his mouth twitch up, forming a smile toward you, and you can’t think of any appropriate way to respond, but his features are shaped in such a tired, yet happy way, and it is intoxicating. 

After a while, and no one comes back, you find Komaeda asleep, and finally the burning sensation calms and you don’t feel it - at least not much. 

______________________

 

After a while you think you know for sure what the feeling you have is, and why it occurs. But at the same time, it is so hard to believe, and its not that you don’t want to, you realize, its that the feeling is so new, so obscure, that you don’t know what to think or it, really. 

You l o v e Komaeda Nagito. He makes your heart tumble to your toes, and reach above your head, gives you happiness, gives you hope. 

He gives you what you really need to crawl out of the hole you were placed in from creation. 

You were created for the thing you hate most - despair - but you love the boy who hates it more. 

A peculiar feeling love is, really. On odd, stomach lurch-er you found out the hard way. But it is something oddly hunted by the average human -- but you and him are not the average person -- neither of you were searching for love, let alone thought you would find it -- but you stay unsure. 

Is this the reason your skin burns at the sight of him? 

Is this the reason he smiles at you every time he can fit one in?

Is this the reason his presence is more calming than others? 

Is this the reason that Matsuda thinks its hard to concentrate when you and him are in the same room? 

Is this the reason you find things easier when he is with you?

Is this the reason you argue that you have more feelings than anger?

Is this the reason you could give a million reasons and not one could explain everything? 

Are these the reasons you think you are in love with him? 

You think. 

Your skin burns at the sight of him because you are overwhelmed with nervousness. Your body told you you loved him before you knew. 

It is possible that he’d like to make you happy with his kind smiles everyday -- because he likes you too. 

You like to be around him, he doesn’t bother you like others, and even if your skin itches and sears, you think it will always be worth it. 

You recall the smiles, the thought process, the questions to Matsuda afterward -- you know he can’t focus because he knows that Komaeda likes you, but you may be more difficult to figure out. 

Things are easier with him, soothing, different, he doesn’t judge you, and you like that. You like him for that. 

You know you have more feelings than anger; happiness, hope, trust, calmness, love -- everything he gives you. 

No matter how long you think, you will always find a new reason to love him, a new reason you do love him. 

These are the reasons you know you are in love with him. 

Your silent promises to the setting sun of what you feel keeps you awake, and with him. The noise and insanity of the silence is the easiest thing you have been through. His shaky breaths in his bed are the only noises that creep through, and the muted buzz reaches your ear, and before you know it, you are asleep, and for the first time, within understanding of yourself and your feelings. And you are happy. 

You are hopeful.


End file.
